What if...

I heard about a church today that orders its liturgy around "A Time for..."

I love it.

What would it be like to have a liturgy that hung on:

A time for welcome
A time for peace
A time for friendship
A time for letting go, making amends
A time for reflection
A time for sorrow
A time for celebration
A time for risk
A time for belonging
A time for wondering
A time for gratitude
A time for blessing

Hmm. Maybe a little long, but I like framing worship in a way that is accessible and participatory...and different.

I also would love to engage our adults in a faith formation series that included a writing of a statement of faith just like we ask confirmation students to do.

What else. Hmmm. The idea of boards and commissions becoming spiritual communities....there is a book about that, I think. I don't know it.

I just wanted to remember these thoughts.
On to supper, and then meeting.

Peace to you!

a Monday day.

So, Mondays are my day off.
Today, I allowed myself to sleep in, as I didn't sleep well in the night. I didn't get up until after 9!
Then, I cleaned the kitchen,
ate girl scout cookies and coffee for breakfast...
read a book about being a suicide survivor,
resisted the urge to check work email/do work...
walked Venus Las Vegas,
did an errand...
sketched,
thought about rolling out some tiles,
talked to God,
petted Lucky,
decided to read a novel,
then my beloved called because the red line train was stopped and could I come downtown and find her?
so, I did.
Got caught in traffic.
Found her at Tremont and Park.
Got lost going back,
so took the long way through Kendall Square (don't even ask how I ended up there)
Dropped beloved off at work,
Went to grocery store...
thought about exercising,
Made italian vegetable soup instead...and tuna salad for lunch tomorrow...
thought about doing some work,
breathed,
and blogged instead.

I need to remember that Sabbath is rest.
Just however that happens,
but the important thing is to
allow myself not to produce.
Not to create, if I don't feel like it...
but just be in my skin.
However that unfolds.

So, as unmonumentous as today has been,
however mundane it has been...
It has been a gift.

As the sun sinks behind the houses across the street..
and the shadowed branches of the leafless trees silhouette my windows,
this pause is just to say...
dear sweet One,
I am grateful for this day.
Truly.
Indeed.
Amen.

The feast of heaven.

so..
it has been a thoughtful week in ministry.
I coordinated the worship service last Sunday to include the participation of children, and it was a big hit. I was chafing a bit, because it was still a traditional service, and frankly too long for children. However, the parts the children did--acting out scripture, leading the Psalm, writing the prayer of thanksgiving was wonderful. I know the adults loved it, but the question is, what did the children experience? How did they feel?

Then, Tuesday, I celebrated monthly communion a the nursing home. The group this month was not as conversant as they can be...more of the people in their little worlds than usual. In any case, it was hard--it made me wonder, what is "age appropriate, developmentally relevant" worship for the nursing home population that I serve?


The best thing, though, is when I was serving communion, and I placed the host on one woman's tongue, and she looked at me and said, "What the hell is this?" and I stopped, and said, "Well, it's the bread of life" and she said, "it has absolutely no taste" to which I responded, "hmmm. Yes. you are right. It is supposed to be the feast of heaven, but I suppose this doesn't taste like it." She spit it out.
It was an honest, alive, real moment.
And,
it made me think.

God of the table,
Love at the feast,
Help me remember
the moment,
the honest truth,
and be faithful
in relevance,
respect,and practise.
Amen.

It is snowing

...again. The third time this week. and it is March 1. My beloved and I had decided to go on a day trip today to SOMEWHERE. But now, it is grey and white and wet and slushy and not a great day to sightsee. Movies, I think we will do. Or...just home reading books. Who knows. Everybody but me right now is still snuggled up in bed.

So, on to writing my homily for tomorrow.

Then maybe, if I hurry, I can go back to bed, too! ;-)

Leapin' Lizards....RGBP Friday Five

Songbird and willsmama over at RevGals leapt into this one! I don't know if I have any thoughts on this, so I think I will just go for it and see what happens....
They write:
It's Leap Day!! Whether you're one of the special few who have a birthday only once every four years, or simply confused by the extra day on the calendar, everyone is welcome to join in and play our Leap Year Friday Five.

Tell us about a time you:

1. Leapt before looked
Pretty much any time I jump into water. I close my eyes.

2. Leapt to a conclusion
Hmmmm. Too often to admit.

3. Took a Leap of Faith
Moving to Florida, Moving to New York City, Moving to the South, Moving to New England.....life is one big leap, I think....

4. Took a literal Leap
When I was about eight, my twin sister and I were in a three legged race, and at first, we were sort of stumbling, but(instead of falling on our faces)we leapt into a perfect spring and we blew the rest of the third graders out of the water. I will never forget that feeling of being in perfect connection with her...it was exhilarating!

5.And finally, what might you be faced with leaping in the coming year?
Well, I am feeling out of kilter for an array of reasons--personal grief over my nephew's suicide, and professional stress. So, being diligent and open and honest about self-care and focus is going to be key...living my life instead of it living me.

New Mercies

I woke up incredibly stressed and tired today, clutching my blackberry and pushing the snooze button every five minutes.
Then, I rolled over, closed my eyes, and breathed...
and sang this in my heart:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
God's mercies are new everyday,
They are new every morning,
New every morning,
Great is thy faithfulness, O God,
Great is they faithfulness.

I breathed some more,
closed my eyes, and prayed to be open to new mercies today.
I felt something heavy and soft on my chest..
and opened my eyes to see Callie touching me with her paw.

new mercies indeed.
Amen.

Lost

You know, there are days when you just don't know where you are.
In your heart,
In your work,
In your administrivia,
In your ministry,
In your life.

Come find me, Holy One.
I think I am a little lost.
I will wait for You.
Amen.

pleeeeeeze

I hate this commercial on t.v. where people are chanting "Who stole a cookie from the cookie jar" and someone answers, "I stole the cookie from the cookie jar....and I lost 5 billion pounds on the COOKIE DIET."

Cookie friggin diet?

Can someone explain, pleeeze?

Heavenly Friday Five

This is my play on the RGBP Heavenly Friday Five
What is your idea of a heavenly (i.e. wonderful and perfect):
1. Family get-together
I think a heavenly family get together is a giant hike and picnic lunch, just being together and enjoying creation. In my greater family, it's simply being gathered together in my sister's living room, parents, sisters, spouses, children, dogs, cats, a music concert on t.v., and a million conversations going and laughing.
2. Song or musical piece
Anything by Patty Griffith, anything on hammered dulcimers, anything by Allison Krauss, and Barber's Adagio for strings.
3. Gift
Shoes. Books.
4. You choose whatever you like-food, pair of shoes, vacation, house, or something else. Just tell us what it is and what a heavenly version of it would be.
Shoes. Books. Any version of aforementioned is heavenly. Of course, right now at this point in a New England Winter, a week on a private beach somewhere warm and sunny and tropical sounds divine.
5. And for a serious moment, or what would you like your entrance into the next life to be like?
What, from your vantage point now, would make Heaven "heavenly?"
hmmm. Heaven heavenly? I don't know. Perhaps that those who suffer so much here from violence, pain, war, injustice, hunger--especially children and mothers and elders--would experience the sweetness of belonging and mercy and love and justice.

Journey to Emmaus

At the end of our Lenten Bible studies,
we celebrate communion. It is very low key, and we just sort of do it off the cuff. (Hey, probably the way Jesus did it the first time, huh?). So, I used the story of two travelers walking the road to Emmaus, and meeting the stranger, and in the breaking of bread together, they realized it was Jesus.
My colleague was looking at me strangely...(not sure if the story was approved)
but I really love that story. It seems so fitting for the celebration of communion. I have been looking for a good liturgy, for worship, that incorporates that story, but haven't found one. Guess I will need to write my own.

I have been on my own journey to Emmaus, these days...recounting the events of the past month, even year, but especially month...and there have been countless holy encounters with people I hardly know. I also realize, as I walk, how attentive, extra attentive I need to be to self care. I am not doing a great job at that...and that is nuts.

So, my prayer is for attentiveness and attending
to this person, me, that you have created, Holy One.
Circle me with your love,
Illumine me...help me be gentle, with me...
It sounds so self absorbed...but I know I need to fight that...
and simply take care, take care, take care.
Amen.

Lucky buns

So Lucky is our oldest cat. He was almost named Bullet, because he was found by the side of the road, shot by someone who I guess didn't want him sleeping in his hay in the barn any more (Hey, wait, aren't barn cats good for like, keeping the barn mice population under control???) I digress. A wonderful, skilled vet saved his life, but had to leave the bullet in him. You can feel it. Anyway, that was years ago, and Lucky has lived to the ripe age of 13 or 14 (not exactly sure). He is snow white with blue eyes (you can only see him curled up in the picture). He has become a bit senile the past few months, and walks around the house with a dog toy or sock stuffed in his mouth, meaowing, which is muffled, and sounds more like a trumpet. He walks in circles doing this. Is he hiding his babies? His prey? I don't know, but it is the funniest sound, and I love that he does that. He is the crabbiest, loudest, sweetest old man cat here.

and speaking of rocks....

So, for children's time, the Sunday after the women's retreat, I decide to talk about Psalm 18:6, where the Psalmist says "God is my rock and my refuge". I wonder out loud with the kids, "hmmmm. I wonder what that means--God is my rock? How can God be like a rock?"
Well, their wondering went flat...mostly I think because these children in this parish haven't really been offered the possibility of different images of God,besides "our Father" and Jesus. All and good, I say, but whoah--so many more in the Bible! Back to the point--I encouraged them to wonder this thought with their families, in the car, at bedtime. It was clear this was a new concept--God as a rock!
Well, the next day I get an email from a member, who said she was doing her spiritual duty to engage in conversation with her child. It went like this:
"Honey, do you want to talk about what Pastor Karla said in church, about God being like a rock?"
"Nope, I already know"
(at this point, mom noted that a little hubris is normal in a six-year old, and I should foster her self-confidence but also maintain my place as a spiritual teacher)
"Well, can you tell me honey?"
Honey replies matter of factly, "You know how a lot of rocks have crystals inside them that we can't see? Well, God is like the crystal inside of all of us."

Guess who is the real spiritual teacher in this family!

Stones on the Road

So, a week ago, I led our church women's retreat. It began with registration around
4:00 (read wine and cheese hour between the lines, because I missed that but will make note of that next year) Dinner at 6:30, and then a group gathering that night, followed by more wine and cheese into the wee hours of the night. We had 40 women at this lovely retreat center in our city, which made it possible for some women to attend only Friday evening; and others only Saturday. I completely overplanned, but it was o.k. It was the best retreat ever...because it
EMERGED and EVOLVED in the way it needed to.
I provided a gentle structure,
and women were able to move around it in the way they needed.

So, Friday evening, we built cairns in small groups, marking where God's presence had been with us lately, like the Israelites....and the parting of the river as Joshua led them into the promised land, where they built a cairn/altar of twelve stones from the river bed they passed through to Gilgal.
After sharing, we brought the cairns back to the altar space in the middle of the room, and had a meditation...silent, and then lit candles for prayers, and sang the Tallis Canon in round. It was very lovely.

Saturday morning, I plans to continue this theme, but since we had 40 women, three generations of fabulous ladies, someone said, can we just sit in one large group, and share about ourselves--our names, a little something of who we are, and how we ended up in this church? Even though a 40 person sharing time sounded like a nightmare to me, we went with it. What magic! What blessing! That Holy Spirit sure does work wonders, huh?

We continued with the stone theme thru the afternoon...and pack-up and left. Our church isn't that big,so to have 40 women was to have about 1/3 of the church present.

It was wonderful...and I just want this post to be my stone of remembrance and gratitude for that time, so I can return to it (especially in the lean, wilderness times of ministry).

So, I set my stone here as remembrance.
Amen.

Lenten Friday Five

So here is RevGals Friday Five....I haven't played for awhile, so here is my short play before I run off to something else:

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras and/or Ash Wednesday this week? How?
hmmm...yep, on Fat Tuesday I had some nice yummy pasta and a lovely glass of wine. We had a lovely service in my congregation for Ash Wednesday, which included flash paper, candles, pyrotechnics, and ashes. The confirmation class (all boys) enjoyed it. I got to spend some time with some people that I haven't had the opportunity to get to know much before, so it was nice.

2. What was your most memorable Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday/Lent?
I loved Mardis Gras when I was teaching, as our music teacher was big into celebrating Mardis Gras with lots of drumming and wonderful music....then in my department we would always fold up a banner of Alleluia and place it in a trunk to discover at Easter. Another great Mardis Gras was when I was a college chaplain, and I ordered 300 Krispy Creme donuts and told the students to come to chapel, grab a donut, and enjoy the next 30 minutes just playing (rather than having required chapel). They loved it, and I loved it!

3. Did you/your church/your family celebrate Lent as a child? If not, when and how did you discover it? Are you kidding? I grew up a staunch Lutheran in the Plains states. We went to Lent services every Wednesday night, and would get a ticket. If you had five tickets out of 7, you would get a pin--a cross, a fish, a dove, whatever. I had a whole collection throughout the years. Crazy, huh?

4. Are you more in the give-up camp, or the take-on camp, or somewhere in between? Probably in between. I have done both for a discipline...and it is a great practise.

5. How do you plan to keep Lent this year? Well, I am not giving up or taking on....but I hope to be mindful. We are studying the parables for our series, so I will immerse myself in those stories of Jesus...but personally, my plan is to remember to do the lovingkindness meditation at least once, daily. I guess that is taking on, huh?

On a personal note, thanks for kindness and prayers expressed on my earlier posts about my nephew. Thank you. Blessings and peace and joy to you.

...to whatever makes me love you more....

So...
there are some that would say "God called Aric home".
Excuse me, but how f---d is that?
What does that say about God? That...God who so loved the world would invent bi-polar disease, make an amazingly good guy miserable with mania and the depths of depression...make him feel so miserable and tragic and desperate and desolate and excruciatingly in pain that the only escape
was to hang himself with his mother's belt in the garage so that he could be released from the pain.
Did God tell Aric to go kill yourself so you can come home to heaven, honey?
Was that what God said would make Aric love him more...if you would just kill yourself for me? Was that the sort of love that God called Aric to?

Am sorry if I don't buy that crap, but this isn't the God I know.

I think Aric's unfully diagnosed disease is what killed him.

Open Wide the Door

I haven't been blogging this month, because I have been away in the upper plains state the past two weeks.
You see, on January 15,
my 19 year old, gifted, talented, wonderfully beloved nephew hung himself in his mother's (my sister's) garage.
This suicide has blew us all to pieces.
There is so much to say about the experience...and yet I have no words. Right now, at least....
and yet life goes on, time keeps passing....

Aric had a tatoo on his back. A picture of wooden doors open, with a prayer: "Open wide the door, to whatever makes me love You more."

People have been abundant in generousity and kindness...

I am struck, too...at how many people's lives, families...have suicide death in them.

I hate the word suicide...the way it sounds...is what it is.

So.
Back to planning a women's retreat that I am leading tomorrow.

I will unpack more of this later.

just today

...today is my beloved and my 5th anniversary. How wonderful is that? I am in awe that through all of the life circumstances, job changes, major move, and the challenges that committed, married relationships offer, that I can't imagine life any other way, with any other person. It's like we have known each other forever...and yet, every day is new and great and comfortable and exciting. What a blessing.
Deep gratitude all the way down. Amen.

Sunday Morning

I got up early...
cleaned the kitchen, fed one dog and several cats...
checked my email, a couple of favorite blogs...
I really got up early to meditate...and then tweak the words on the paper written for the reflection this morning in worship.
I am tired, God...
and feel quite uninspired...it has been a juggle this past week...a houseguest since before Christmas..everybody else "off" and me not really "off" but trying to do it all...and January is going to be busy...and full of a lot of decisions--family or work...every weekend.
But for now, I will stop complaining...It's good to name my apprehensions...and to lay them at Your feet...because I know you won't forget or ignore them...and I might.
I pray for your grace and mercy to drape round my shoulders today...
I pray for your light to gently shine and touch us all...
and may these words of my mouth, and meditations of my heart
offer what needs to be offered today.
In your love, I rest and pray,
Amen.

Reasons Why Beer is Better than Being a Christian

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't
think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on
people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake,
hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a
second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie
to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are
groups to help you stop.

cold and homeless and I don't feel safe to help....

So, I am sitting in my office at church and am the only one here. I am working on my sermon and other things...and the doors are locked--to my office, and outside. The church, although in a nice part of town, is at the intersection of many bus stops and through routes, and next to a park, so we get some traffic from people seeking assistance. It is also a bitter cold rainy wintery day. This young man, outside my window, is trying to get into the door that really isn't ever open. So we talked through my window. He said he was looking for help...and I said I couldn't help him right now. I told him he could come back for AA later on. He wanted the "preacher" (obviously I WASNT the preacher, b/c I wouldn't let him in). He asked if there was a library, or if he could at least come in. He was cold, and I don't blame him. I pointed him to the public library. As the only person here, and as a woman, I just didn't feel safe. I know that most transient people are not dangerous, but I just couldn't let him in to hang out. I feel guilty...in spite of knowing it was the right thing to do--I have done this in the past, but this was the worst weather ever I have had to turn someone away. It feels even hypocritical to offer a prayer for him...but God, please...forgive me...and help him find warmth on this day.
Amen.