sigh.

so, I went to the hospital to see my Venus.
It was rough. She is such a gracious being, and wagged her tail when she saw me. She ate a treat. The ICU tech was helpful and great. But when she left Nini (Venus) and me alone for awhile, Venus laid down on her blanket, and I laid on the floor next to me....and she just whimpered the whole time. I have never heard anything like that come from her, ever. She was in so much pain.
Yes, it was a major surgery--the incision is huge (6 inches, at least).
It just broke my heart.
She looked at me as if to say, "what happened to me? why do I hurt so much? I am really miserable"
I was ready to cry with her, when Sarah (ICU tech) came into check on us.
She said that after the IV morphine drip, which stopped last night, I guess, she hasn't been given anything.
W.T.F?????
We wouldn't do that to a human, would we?
I begged her to ask the doctor to give her some tramadol, something to ease her pain.

I am going back to check on this in this evening.

I feel so guilty putting her through this, even though it was an informed decision that we thought was best. It is just killing me.

So, I did a little comfort care--I went to mcdonalds and ate two cheeseburgers. Mind you, I am a 98% vegetarian, so you know I am upset. I don't eat red meat AT ALL. But I heard that Micky D' burgers are mostly soy. Anyway, for me, it is ultimate comfort food from childhood.

Then, I got a manicure for some physical pampering and two lipsticks, because lipstick always fits.

But I don't feel better--and I know it didn't make Venus feel better either.
I probably should have gone with praying, first. I am so damn human sometimes. Forgive me Venus. Here is my prayer, which I breathing in and out, mantra style.

God be with Venus.
Ease her pain.
Help her heal.
Help her know we love her.
Amen.