whooooooohhhhhh (exhale)

I am having terrible writer's block....the sermon this week is really not coming together, mostly because I keep avoiding it. I have spent the last hour "working" by browsing itunes and online shoe stores (no I didn't buy anything, that would be productive!).
What's the problem? Part of it is that I am preaching on Genesis 24, which is the birth of Esau and Jacob, the famous biblical twins. Rebekah, their mother gets a really bad rap from commentators and preachers, because a. Jacob is her favorite b. she devises a plan to for Jacob to get his father's blessing as the firstborn son. Esau, the oldest, is Isaac (father) fave.
But the context of Rebekah shows her to be hospitable, willing, daring, even, and with a close relationship with God. She is the first woman in Genesis to seek God out in prayer--in a lamenting prayer, at that, when her children are still in her womb, struggling, which must have caused her great discomfort. I don't really defend her deception, which isn't even the text I am preaching on. bllllleeeeehhhhh(that is a raspberry sound with my lips).
I am trying to just get all this out here, so I don't end up with all of this in my sermon which I will just have to edit out.
Writing is so messy......but I woudn't have it any other way.
Blessed be. Amen.

so, uh...yeah...

so...yes, the economy is scarey. yes, we all need to be much more aggressive in how we use precious energy. yes, we should be saving every penny and not splurging...
but if you get something, oh say, like a "used" jacuzzi, and put it in your backyard, isn't that like, uh, recycling?
it's for a more healthy lifestyle, right?

getting back into it....

ah, July.
I always feel so lazy in July, like everyday should be summer vacation. But, alas, it isn't for me....
I used to have that luxury when I was on a ten-month contract, as a college chaplain, as a teacher...and although I am grateful for the slow-down pace of New England congregations in the summer, with fewer meetings on my plate, and a little more time in the day, this is key time for planning, envisioning, scheming, dreaming, organizing, filing...
but I just want to read books and sip lemonade and do a little teeny bit of work. ;-)

My mom has been visiting since Friday. She will be here until next Wednesday, the 9th. I am so glad to have her here, in my home, spending time, laughing, talking, and entertaining her. She is a pretty easy guest, and I love my mom. She definitely has aged some since January; and I see her edges of the frailty of old age poking through her presence....she has chronic back and hip issues which limit her mobility somewhat, and she searches more often for the word or phrase or memory she is trying to articulate. I feel protective.

Well, off to work.
Enough procrastination, time to dive into my life.
Amen.

in a quiet foggy morning....

I am first to the church today. It is 9:00--I have been here since 8:30. I like to get here just to be in the space where in less than hour will be filled with the energy, sorrows, laughter, lives, personalities, rushing racing of the congregation gathering for worship. The quiet is my anchor...my cord running to my balance and godplace inside of me. Grounding here for a few minutes...is a grace I can offer to myself.

Breathing in, I breath in the singing of the birds...
Breathing out, I release any tension to misty fog...
Breathing in, I breathe in the cool breeze gently caressing my cheek....
Breathing out, I open up my heart
to welcome more fully with Your grace, Your peace, Your love
to those who come to meet You today.
Amen.

RGBP Friday Five

Mother Laura writes for the FF

So in honor of summer, please share your own beachy memories, plans, and dreams with a "Beach Trip" Friday Five.

1. Ocean rocks, lake limps? Vice versa? Or "it's all beautiful in its own way"? Ocean rocks, waves, yup. I have great memories of lakes from my childhood, but I really love the vast expanse of the sea.

2. Year round beach living: Heaven...or the Other Place? I probably would enjoy it.
It's not something I yearn for, but I wouldn't pass it up. I would probably prefer mountains, but....

3. Any beach plans for this summer? Does going to Revere Beach count? The first public beach in America? To walk the dogs?

4. Best beach memory ever? Hmmm. The first time I saw the ocean was when I was in second or third grade. We drove to Oregon for a family reunion with my step-father's family and we all rented a giant beach house for a couple of days. My new cousins scared me about the undertow, but I was completely enamoured with the giant rocks and waves crashing and cooking out and it was grand.

5. Fantasy beach trip? Barbados, Figi, St. Lucia, Greece, or Portugal, in a private beach house.

Bonus: Surfing Safari by the Beach Boys.

egads! pepe le phew!!!!

So I was sleeping quite cozily and nicely until about 4:30 this morning, when the doggies, including toy poodles, began a barking frenzy. My beloved thought they just needed to go out. So out the back door they went.
However, the barking continued, even louder. Even our new dog, Fenway, who doesn't bark at ALL, found her voice this morning. What the heck was going on?
I decided to drag myself out of bed, since I figured we had awakened the entire neighborhood and thought I should start baking cookies or something to make amends, when I see my beloved out on the deck yelling and trying to shoo something out of the yard.
It was a big, fat, stinky, stinky, stinky skunk.
Now you need to understand, our backyard is an urban backyard...with fence all around, and bordering five other backyards. There is really no place this guy to go, except ballistic with his spray. I dragged the animals in, and of course, beloved, who says, "What, do they bite or something? I want it out of the yard!"

So, after things quiet down, I check from the basement window to look under the deck and he has burrowed in, for what I think is the entire day. I bang on the window, but that pretty much resulted in more lovely stink.

After dropping off my beloved at the train station, I got back home, and was putting some transplantings on the front porch, and I walked to the edge and saw something move under the hosta plant. Yup. Pepe le Phew. I snuck inside, and watched him waddle down the street a few houses, and into a neighbor's backyard.(this is a BIG skunk--the picture above is just an example, it isn't my skunk)

So, it is 8:30 a.m. and already one crisis arisen and averted for the day.
What else is to come?

happy pants bird on top of the evergreen tree!

Everyday,
Starting about 8:30, and lasting for about 20 minutes, the happiest grey bird comes to sing in our neighborhood. S/he sits on topmost peak of a very large, mature evergreen tree next door. I sit and watch this happy little singer as s/he offers a most beautiful concert of delightful, lovely, happy warbles.
I have no clue what kind of bird this is...(I looked up but couldn't identify) but I am so happy s/he chose this neighborhood in which to sing.
Reminds me of that cartoon, "I wanna singa, about the moona and the junah and the springa..."

when you rise horizontally....

I was listening to this story on NPR today, about women breaking stereotypes in male dominated culture of Karachi, Pakistan. One of the women interviewed is an architect, and college professor. She works for a land development organization that helps poor people dig their own sewer lines when the government won't help them. Working with government officials, at first was difficult. She notes that you can't go to them and say, "You do this, You do that" because sometimes the official doesn't have the power, and he will start to avoid you. Instead, her approach is, "We need your advice, please tell us what to do" and they are happy to have dicussion. She said, with any group, once you rise up horizontally you take every one with you. If you rise up vertically, you are alone.
If you rise up horizontally, you take everyone with you.

What a vision for the world, huh?

picture from pakistaniat.com/.../Abro-Art-Woman-Pakistan.jpg

weeds of noise!

My friend Jess, amazing writer, and wonderful blogger left a beautiful comment on another post, which contained this phrase:
"weeds of noise". What an image...and pulling out the weeds of noise so that the silence of beauty and abundance can deeply root and grow--well, it is a conscious undertaking.

I have been offered several garden images this week. Someone challenged me to stop weeding other people's garden and start tending to my own. That is something to chew on, too!

As for a real garden, I did plant two tomato plants, a pepper plant, and some catnip. They are coming along nicely.

heartfulness

At the suggestion of my teacher, I picked up a wonderful book of meditations by Jon Kabat-Zin, called "Arriving at your own Door: 108 Lessons in Mindfulness". The title itself is enough food for thought for a life time. More on that later.
For today, my lesson is "heartfulness. Kabat-Zin reminds us that in Asian languages, the word for mind and heart is the same. So, in being mindful, perhaps we should hear "heartfulness".
Living with heartfulness towards others is almost natural, for me. It is why I do what I do. It is my vocation, my passion...and certain call from God. I am not saying I always do it well, but I do think I get what it means.
Living with hearfulness towards myself isn't as easy.
I pray for presence and hearfulness today.
Amen.

long silence

The past six weeks have been incredibly busy for me, as my colleague had emergency heart surgery, (all is well, thank goodness) and for the past two weeks, our administrator has been out on medical leave as well.

So, holding down the fort has meant multitudes more emails, administrivia, keeping things going....and I just haven't felt like writing. Writing has felt more like a chore rather than something full. In fact, I haven't felt like doing much of anything--no knitting, no crocheting, not much reading, my clay work has suffered...On one level, I realize that I am tired after a very busy program year in the congregation.

However, I suspect that isn't the reason for my long silence. I have been doing some important inner work that has felt sacred, vulnerable, quiet, scarey, and cavernous.
My focus has been on quiet and breathing.
And yet, the words are yet unformed...
and sometimes the sighs are unfathomably deep.

I have found a spiritual teacher to offer direction and insight...and I pray for the courage to embrace being taught, challenged, and comforted around the most tender places of my heart.

Gracious Spirit...
sigh.
Amen

diary of a mom

If you have a child with autism, have a friend with autism, or just want to read an amazing journey of mom who chronicles her inner thoughts as she loves her precious daughter, who happens to have autism,
I highly recommend:
diary of a mom

It is one of the most moving blogs I have encountered.

Friday Five--Movin' Right Along....

So, Mother Laura at RGBP gives us this Friday Five...

1. How many times have you moved? When was the last time?
TWENTY TIMES--in my adult life. If I include childhood moves, 23. Oh my. But in my single days, I was always on the quest for a better apartment, etc. The last move was two years ago, from the South to New England.

2. What do you love and hate about moving?
I like nesting. I hate packing. 3.

Do you do it yourself or hire movers?
The last six moves have been with hired movers. One time they even packed everything. That was amazing.

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move?
Go lightly. Let go of stuff, but thank it for being part of your life. Pare down. And of course, say goodbye, and ask for blessing in the new space. And treat yourself to an iced tea, lemonade or glass of champagne--whichever does it for you!5.

Are you in the middle of any inner moves, if not outer ones?
Since I am in mid-life, uh....yeah.

the steadfast love...

...of the Lord never ceases...
God's mercies are new everyday...
they are new every morning,
new every morning...

I wake up singing this in my head almost every Sunday. It is very comforting.

Today, I pray for your mercy and guidance to lead me through this morning. I am feeling vulnerable...please help that vulnerable place be open to the blessings you share...
and
be present to your people today...
in worship, prayer, presence and song.
amen.

Aric slideshows...

These are slideshows that Aric's friends made...

oh Holy Stranger...

oh Holy Stranger,
You live on the edge of my sight,
the precipice of my heart,
standing surely in the threshold between my inner and outer world.

You do not beckon loudly.
You announce your invitation to listen
with echoes of patient silence,
breathing on the breeze that makes the trees outside my window tremble...
beating softly with the pulse of my heartbeat...
Waiting.

Lingering outside the doorway, I waste away precious minutes
reading a magazine, running errands, napping, sipping tea
your Shadow outlined in my mind...
Within my interior walls,
I languish, even though I know you are here...
I still choose my isolation as if were a security blanket,
but it is something I Know.

You, oh Holy Stranger,
Pose the threat of Life.
You, oh beautiful waiting One...
offer freedom, communion, and really, really hard work...
and if I invite You to step through
and speak to the deepest ground of my being,
I wonder,
will I listen?
Will I have the courage to see the Holy You?

Please, come in.
Speak to me.
Help me know You.
Amen.

standing among strangers....

so,
I am supposed to be up here in my office writing my sermon about driving in Boston, strangers, the public, and the road to Emmaus...
but after writing the intro, am thinking I need to read a little more to figure out how all this will tie together.
hope it does...
but also am thinking about my life as an artist,
and how it has virtually dried up this past year.
Yes, I have continued to get to the studio at least 3x a month, but with clay, you can't just do three days a month.
I miss it...and almost feel like a stranger to it...instead of thinking about it all of the time. I love thinking about it.
My skills have really lagged...I had such a wonderful foundation when I was throwing everyday a couple of years ago...and although all of that body memory will come back, what I need to do is practise.

Few people are clay prodigies!

Back to strangers, Jesus, and driving.

my heart...

is in a post Easter slump.
How crazy is that?
It could be the black jelly beans I ate today...(sugar low?)
or just perhaps not taking enough time out to regroup.
The train is moving fast, but I just need to reflect and re-orient.

I can do that.
I just need to make it a priority.

Help me reorient, reprioritize, reflect, and renew.

Amen.

All that is holy....

...today.
Lucy jumping on the bed to get a pet,
Dottie rubbing against my ankles while I type...
The wind whipping and whistling and blowing loudly, shaking everything...
The tiny birds nestled in the shrubs in my neighbor's yard...
The quiet house
My full heart
My random thoughts
and Your Presence
keeping me grounded and broken and whole.
Amen.

Friday Five: Time and Transitions

Over at RevGals, Mother Laura helps us adjust to and enjoy Daylight Savings Time and Liturgical transitions from Lent to Holy Week by offering this Friday Five about time and transitions....

1. If you could travel to any historical time period, which would it be, and why?
As a woman, I am not sure I would want to go anywhere back in time...I wouldn't mind going into fantasy time, like to "The Mists of Avalon" because of the mysticalness of it all.

2. What futuristic/science fiction development would you most like to see?
Definitely a robot that will clean my house from top to toe. We must be close to that, right?

3. Which do you enjoy more: remembering the past, or dreaming for the future?
I hope the cherishing of the past, the good, the bad, and the ugly helps me dream for the future, but I guess sometimes it just gives me a more realistic roadmap with which to chart the course. I am a real day by day kind of person...

4. What do you find most memorable about this year's Lent?
The evening we had eight confirmation boys participate in a bible study with our beloved elderfolk and other adults. We had a wonderful evening of getting to know each other and grappling with Luke 15: The Lost parables. It was dear and sweet and lively.

5. How will you spend your time during this upcoming Holy Week? What part do you look forward to most? I look forward to a peace vigil we are planning for Wednesday, marking the anniversary of the war in Iraq...and I look forward to all the services...and I feel certain what I will look forward to the most is a nap on Easter Sunday afternoon!