Friday, October 03, 2008

sigh.


so, I went to the hospital to see my Venus.
It was rough. She is such a gracious being, and wagged her tail when she saw me. She ate a treat. The ICU tech was helpful and great. But when she left Nini (Venus) and me alone for awhile, Venus laid down on her blanket, and I laid on the floor next to me....and she just whimpered the whole time. I have never heard anything like that come from her, ever. She was in so much pain.
Yes, it was a major surgery--the incision is huge (6 inches, at least).
It just broke my heart.
She looked at me as if to say, "what happened to me? why do I hurt so much? I am really miserable"
I was ready to cry with her, when Sarah (ICU tech) came into check on us.
She said that after the IV morphine drip, which stopped last night, I guess, she hasn't been given anything.
W.T.F?????
We wouldn't do that to a human, would we?
I begged her to ask the doctor to give her some tramadol, something to ease her pain.

I am going back to check on this in this evening.

I feel so guilty putting her through this, even though it was an informed decision that we thought was best. It is just killing me.

So, I did a little comfort care--I went to mcdonalds and ate two cheeseburgers. Mind you, I am a 98% vegetarian, so you know I am upset. I don't eat red meat AT ALL. But I heard that Micky D' burgers are mostly soy. Anyway, for me, it is ultimate comfort food from childhood.

Then, I got a manicure for some physical pampering and two lipsticks, because lipstick always fits.

But I don't feel better--and I know it didn't make Venus feel better either.
I probably should have gone with praying, first. I am so damn human sometimes. Forgive me Venus. Here is my prayer, which I breathing in and out, mantra style.

God be with Venus.
Ease her pain.
Help her heal.
Help her know we love her.
Amen.

4 comments:

mompriest said...

oh gosh...prayers for your sweet dog, and for you...

"PS" (a.k.a. purple) said...

I've walked in your shoes and feel what you are writing about. So very very heart wrenching. Prayers coming from my direction.

revcrystalk said...

more prayers for you and Venus. it's a terrible place to be for both of you.

our animals are very special--often teaching us about love and trust.

peace be wtih you both.

jesswilson said...

oh, sweet girl .. she knows. how could she not? we do all that we can for those we love. sometimes we have to trust God to do the rest.