Monday, December 22, 2008

monday morning wanderings

It is cold and windy here in Boston. (not as cold as North Dakota, though)
I spent the good part of the weekend, among other things, shoveling 15 inches of snow. Am really looking forward to getting my wovel...or a snowblower. There are no snowblowers to be had, though.

The Christmas Pageant yesterday was great. We even had a real baby Jesus who could not have been more precious! The only thing that wasn't covered is that there was no one assigned to put away costumes. Needless to say, there was a mess. I just stashed everything in the CE Resource room, and will ask those in charge of the Pageant to deal with it. Afterwards, we had a pizza party with decorating cookies and Yankee Exchange with the Youth.

When the holidays come, my grief in not having children is heightened. This year is no exception. It is always a source of suprise that I never have had a baby. B and I consciously decided not to, but still, there is that part of me that lingers in some regret. It's o.k., we talk about it, and B is always wonderful to listen to my grief without taking it personally. Or, if so, we talk about that. Anyway, I would have been a wonderful mom. I know that. Literally, all of my friends have families. I love their children. I love all the children and babies and young people I get to work with...and my adopted nieces and nephews...and my two nephews are precious to me. I just find it curious that the unfolding of my journey hasn't included being a mommy. Just mulling on that today. A little, anyway. sigh.

So. On another note, I spent some time in my studio this morning, and am headed back down there, shortly. I working with some terra cotta clay today, doing some experimentation with carving and glazes. As soon as I finish up some stuff, I will post the pictures. The photo above is scraffito through yellow slip on brown stoneware--the picture is taken before it had been bisqued.

Peace to you on this cold and windy winter day.


mompriest said...

karlajean...sigh....yeah....I'm grateful I've found you through the blog-world. I hope your Christmas is wonderful in all the best of ways it can be....

revcrystalk said...

i hope this comes out helpful rather than anything but...the thing about motherhood is that you don't have to have "your own" to be one--i am sure that there are children who you mother that do not get "mothered" at home so to speak.

i am sorry for your grief and do not mean to diminish it. there are some wonderful women in my life that are mothers to many children, you couldn't possibly take the mother out of them even if one was to try. i don't know that if they had their own children they would be able to give so much grace and mothering to the kids that find them. i know that we don't know each other in person but i get the feeling that is how you are as well.

peace and love,

karlajean said...

oh yes, I know. I have had wonderful opportunities to "mother" and have been "mothered" by some very beautiful loving people. I know that half of what I get to do and be wouldn't be the same if I were parenting children. I don't regret the conscious decision to not have a baby. Just grief in missing out on that part of life. I know it is something special.
Thank you, for your words, and your kindness.

jess said...

i can imagine the moments of wonder. i'm so glad that you and beloved can talk about it, acknowledge it, FEEL it.

indeed, miss karla .. you would be an amazing mother . the very best of the best .. but too, you 'mother' us all with your gentle spirit, your radiant warmth, your knowing smile from across a room that says, 'you're ok. it's ok to be right where you are.' - the love of a universal mom.

love and peace