Wednesday, December 03, 2008

dark at 4:30 and wandering....

The hardest adjustment I have had to make living in New England is the darkness of December. It's 4:30 pm and night has fallen all around me...and I still have meetings to go to, and if it is before 5:00 pm, shouldn't it at least stay light for rush hour traffic?
I want to curl up on the sofa and read a book, sip tea, and fall asleep.
Lucky my office only has a church pew from the 1800's and you know, people were smaller back then.
I know that for Advent, it is fitting for it to be so dark...we wait in darkness...we look for the light..we hope for the light...
we just hope...
sometimes just to endure the darkness.
Morning always comes.

I am very aware of the shroud of shadows today. I am restless...I am not feeling very challenged (NOT PRAYIN' FOR CHALLENGE, THOUGH. That's like praying for patience.) o.k.--I am not feeling creatively challenged right now...and that creates restlessness. I remember when I was a chaplain in an institution that was incredibly so much more conservative than me--not theologically (although many were)institutionally. Tradition above all else was to be kept, in spite of the fact that it held the institution back. Anyway, I felt like I had to fold up my wings and pin them inside my back...and because I didn't feel like I could fly sometimes, it really affected my groundedness. In fact, the balance was so off, I was simply stuck.

My wings now, are not necessarily folded up...I wouldn't say that at all. But I don't think I am flying creatively as much, either. Hence the shroud of shadows. I need a flight plan that will keep me rooted and free at the same time.

That's where I am wandering in the darkness today.

2 comments:

mompriest said...

I wasn't feeling creatively challenged for about three years...and now...WELL...NOW...if I ever get back to a place where I don't feel creatively challenged I hope I remember to tell myself to relax and enjoy it - 'cuz "trouble" will find you soon enough....

here's hoping you find that creative challenge with some "balance"....

revcrystalk said...

i have been feeling the need for creativity but not having the ooomph to be creative.

i can empathize with you.

i too hope that you find the balance you need.

i love how you stated that you were NOT praying to be challenged and that's like praying for patience--very sweet!

peace