I am having a hard time getting my teeth into anything right now. In other words, I think I am slacking a bit, and when I slack, I feel guilty. I should be out changing the world! I should be scheduled for the day within an inch of a minute! I should be praying until my knees are bloody! I should be ahead of my game, or on top of my game, or at least...PLAYING my game!
But, mostly, right now, I feel quiet and still and like I am marinating on something unknown. And in the midst of that, I have putzed this morning. Cleaned the kitchen, (btw, takes forever as we are out a dishwasher. it broke. in the middle of painting said kitchen and changing all door hardware and it is all a cluttery mess...however, because of the broken dishwasher, we decided to replace both dishwasher and fridge--an unpredictable appliance in our home---but the dishwasher hasn't even been scheduled for installation, which means I will be throwing a luncheon for 10 people on Friday in the middle of chaos. Thank God for amazing Italian restaurants that make meals for 10 and are delicious!) Back to the moment. It is grey and soggy and icy and wet snowy outside. My early morning meeting was cancelled,and my next isn't until 1:00, so I decided to work from home this morning...catching up on email and reading blogs and pondering.
Wish there were something more profound niggling at my mind and heart, something to hash out, but maybe, frankly, just having peace for awhile is something to embrace...instead of feeling guilty for! Moments of peace I think surprise us, because they rarely linger, and when peace lingers...well...it is a bit foreign and I feel like I should get busy rather than take the luxury of lingering with the peace.
my charge today: be peaceful. be at peace. amen.
p.s. while I write this in the quiet of my attic office, my skitzy Lucy cat is sitting in the window and leaping into it, everytime a bird flies by, as if she can catch it. Her tail is doing that swishy thing, and now one bird is on the sill. It is as if the bird knows she is quite safe and is happy to torment my silly Lucy. And Lucy is definitely falling for the sparrow's antics.
so, I will be at peace...and belly laugh with the Buddah.